Toyota Goes Green, Removes Brakes From Cars

Japanese-based car manufacturer Toyota has announced that they will no longer be including brakes in any of their vehicles as part of a new initiative to be reduce carbon emissions.

Studies cited by the company show that drivers using their brakes to slow down or stop while on the road is the single biggest contributor to increases in individual fuel consumption.

“When you look at a car’s fuel economy while driving in the city, where you stop often,” said one of the company’s American executives, “versus the same car’s economy when you’re driving on something like an interstate or a freeway, where you stop or change speeds less frequently, the difference is staggering. By eliminating brakes completely, we can drastically cut down on the amount of fuel consumers are wasting.” The executive added, “It’s just common sense, really.”

Toyota’s CEO said he does expect there to be some “minor growing pains” as customers adapt to the initiative.

In Canada, the new no-brake models are set to go on sale just before the upcoming Thanksgiving, a weekend that typically sees a sharp rise in traffic. Toyota believes that this will be a good opportunity to gauge the strategy’s fuel-saving effectiveness during a period where gas is in particularly high demand.

The company has also partnered with Shell Co. to announce a plan that will enable current owners of Toyota vehicles to go to any approved dealership and have their brakes removed for free. In order to encourage drivers to participate in the effort to cut down on unnecessary fuel usage, anyone who takes advantage of this program will receive a complimentary voucher for a free tank of gas from any Shell station.  

The announcement already has consumers looking forward to the potential savings, both in cost and environmental impact. “I don’t think I ever really used my brakes anyway,” said Jay, a self-proclaimed environmentalist, from behind the wheel of his H1 Hummer. “I think it’s about time someone did this. It’s kind of ridiculous that people are still relying on something as old-fashioned as brakes in 2020.”

When asked whether he thought the massive amounts of pollution still being emitted by Toyota’s manufacturing plants somewhat nullified the plan’s environmental benefits, the company’s VP of marketing replied, “We estimate that each unit will save hundreds or thousands of litres of fuel per year. So the more of these vehicles we get into circulation, and the more non-drivers we get to start driving them, the more we can take advantage of those savings. It’s a bit counterintuitive, but the math is clear: the more we drive, the more fuel we save.”

We attempted to contact insurance companies for their opinion on the Toyota announcement. However, all insurance officers and executives were busy hiding under their beds and were unavailable for comment.

Injury lawyers we tried to contact were similarly unavailable, although a spokesperson indicated that this was due to them all attending a “wicked-massive pizza party to kick of the new golden age.”

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